Why I Might Start Wearing Metal Armour on the daily.
It started with a baby bottle.
A nice, BPA-free, eco-conscious, pastel-toned piece of modern parenting pride. And then I learned more horrifying truths: BPA-free doesn’t mean toxin-free. Because when you heat plastic, any plastic, you’re essentially slow-cooking yourself a nice bisphenol bisque with a side of microplastic seasoning.
Now, I’m not saying I spiralled, but I might have panic-purged every sippy cup, storage container, and plastic spoon from my kitchen. Ok, I am saying I spiralled.
Here’s the thing. Lately I’m reading studies for fun. Not really fun, but it has become a thing. I don’t scare easy, but microplastics? They’re like glitter. They’re everywhere, impossible to get rid of, and you never know which part of your anatomy they’ll end up in next.
And while we do have some early studies linking microplastic exposure to inflammation, endocrine disruption, and even fertility issues, the truth is the research is lagging behind reality.
Let’s be honest, funding a long-term, population-wide study on how decades of plastic ingestion affect the human body is… less sexy than inventing a new toothpaste with glitter in it.
So these days my kitchen contains:
- Baby bottles made of borosilicate glass
- Lunchboxes made of stainless steel
- Cooking utensils made of bamboo, wood, metal
Yes, my cupboards now clang when I open them. Yes, I’ve shattered a few baby bottles whilst holding a wee 8 month old.
But on the bright side, I now feel like one of those Insta mums with a fancy kitchen, a shit tonne of time, preparing organic snacks in my curved bench top kitchen with a Gaggenau oven and stove top in the background. #Goals
If plastics are shedding microscopic fragments into our food, our air, and even our placentas (yep, that’s a real study, you’re welcome), then it’s only a matter of time before my wardrobe gets an overhaul.
Forget polyester. I’m going full metal.
- Chainmail vest for daycare drop-off.
- Aluminium-lined leggings for Pilates.
- A nice copper bonnet for rowing. Bonus: it’s antimicrobial!
I’ll be pitching to the crew next – The Plastic-Free Boat
“Hey team,” I’ll say at the next meeting “we’re going sustainable. Hull made of reclaimed timber. Oars carved by hand. Our uniforms? Hemp. Only hemp. And if you bring a plastic drink bottle again, I will yeet it into the ocean only to immediately dive in and retrieve it because we’re also now ocean conservationists.”
Am I Overreacting? Maybe just a little bit.
But when it comes to my kids, my health, and my planet, I’d rather overreact with a steel water bottle than underreact with a microwaved plastic meal prep container that smells like a cheap airline meal.
If you’re still using plastic daily, no shade, truly. But if this made you reconsider what you’re sipping from or feeding your little ones with… welcome to the mildly panicked, spicy side of parenthood.
Just wait til you see what else I’ve obsessed over.
