I’m really enjoying rowing and have settled into a lovely club. I’m also having fun learning a new skill, and I can see why people rave about rowing and being on the water. It’s magical. This aside, I’ve realised it will never replace my love of running, especially the runs in the dark on wet, dreary English mornings.
However, over the past few months, I’ve noticed a change in my confidence levels. Slippery, chalky downhills never fazed me. In the past, if I fell or stumbled, it wouldn’t bother me. I remember one particular race that I spent what seemed like 90% of the time face down… two-year-olds could stay upright longer than me. But this was OK… this was just part of all the fun.
On my run this morning, which I’ve done many times, I found myself almost tiptoeing down certain parts that I know very well and should be able to do with my eyes closed. In order to stop the intrusive thoughts of broken ankles or wrists, I began to realise that this was yet another random menopausal symptom, and it’s bloody frustrating. I gave myself a pat on the back for understanding that it wasn’t my fault and it will pass, but it also gave me food for thought.
A lot of the symptoms women are told about are physical: the hot sweats, the insomnia, the weight gain, the lack of libido, etc., etc. You never really hear about the “self-doubt” that creeps up on you and could (if you let it) ruin the things you love to do. This must also be an absolute nightmare for women in the workplace when they’ve worked so hard to achieve, and then it can be taken away due to lack of confidence.
I’m constantly reminding myself that this is just a blip and it will get better, but for women who may not be aware or are overwhelmed by the changes they are facing, it can be nothing short of a disaster. I hope that going forward, the mental aspects of perimenopause are better understood and vocalised so we can all carry on doing either what we do best and / or what we enjoy.
